Time for Your Twin Union: Alinear Time & Synchronicities, Part II

"...it's being done in the present moment, but it's quantum in nature. And it exists throughout all time and space." 

~Jen Ballew from Twin Simplicity (see www.twinsimplicity.com) 

I highly encourage you to watch Jen Ballew's video on YouTube (click on the video embedded above) if you are seeking additional encouragement and perspective regarding your Twin Flame union. In this video, Jen expands upon the "spiral" of time and how timelines seem to "converge" and/or create a web of interconnectedness that has always been leading you to your Twin Flame, and them to you. A weird hobby of mine is quantum physics and quantum particle theory (yes, I'm a total geek like that!)--it always has been a fascination of mine. Does time really exist? What is time? What is space? Are we really separate in nature, or are we somehow all connected?

I think that through my spirituality, I've been able to marry science along with the unknown in order to "see" that time/space as we understand it in human terms is, at the moment, inexplicable through scientific study. Sure, we've recently discovered the pentaquark that consists of more atomic particles than ever before, ushering in a new perspective regarding energy and balance (holy shit...isn't that what we're doing with our TFs? Balancing our energies?! Okay...) The point is, there are many things yet to be discovered about our universe and nature of being. Thus, it makes it all the more difficult, at times, to rely upon your intuition and faith in the universe and its divine "timing." But we have to. At this time, we must rely upon our intuition, the love we affirm in our hearts, and our ability to see beyond what linear timelines present to us.

As I lay in bed last evening, I started doing as Jen recommends--looking back at the moments that I shared with my TF and seeing it from a "higher perspective." I began to see all kinds of synchronicities that expanded throughout my TF's and my lifetime. Our shared history, too. When you begin to see connectedness, let me tell you, you cannot stop it. It happens at the speed of light. I cannot explain or describe to you each of the synchronistic elements to our shared (or separate) histories, but I can tell you that they are as infinite as the moments between our alpha and our omega.
Our shared histories extend, too, beyond this lifetime. Yes, I said it: beyond this lifetime. Without getting too much into what I'm now sensing as our past life experiences together, I will tell ask you these questions:
-Do you have any particular fascination or knowledge about a particular time in history?
-Does a certain kind of cultural music seem to speak to your soul?
-When it comes to books you read, what characters do you seem to be drawn to?
-When you watch movies, do you avoid a certain kind of film because it seems to pierce your heart and be almost unbearable to watch?
-Have you ever read a book/historical fiction and felt like you can truly see, touch, taste, hear, sense the entire experience?
-It might sound silly, but if you've created a playlist that you listen to when you think of your TF, what are the titles of the songs? Are there shared themes or lyrics?

It hit me over the weekend that my TF and I have shared at least one lifetime in war, together. I abandoned him somehow. Either I deserted (which is what I'm getting from the messages I received) or he felt as though I deserted him. Then, he died. Alone. Abandoned. In pain. Hurt. Terribly, terribly hurt.This is just one of our lifetimes in war. We've suffered through many together. We were warriors, We were squires. We were imprisoned. We suffered. And somehow--either through death or desertion--I left him in most of those lifetimes. When I let go of my "human" comprehension of time and our timelines, it all started to unravel--collapse as Jen puts it so eloquently. And although I am discussing timelines collapsing beyond this physical existence, I hear echoes of our past in and through each and every detail of our shared history. Somehow, suddenly, it all makes sense. Once more, I was broken wide open. I wept, uncontrollably, for at least 20 minutes.

Sometimes the TF journey frightens me a little. I think: Am I crazy? Am I really experiencing the pain from previous lifetimes? What is this unrelenting sense of knowing all about? But that's just it: it's a true, deep, undeniable sense of knowing that propels me towards faith in this union, in this love. I heard myself saying, out loud and through tears: "This is why I'm here. I'm not leaving you. I'm not abandoning you this time. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Don't kill yourself anymore. I'm here. And I'm not leaving you." I say "kill yourself" because my TF had been living like a dead person for so long, shutting out feeling and denying himself the true pleasures of the spirit because he was so badly hurt by love in his past. All this time, I've felt his heart heal through past break-ups (rejection), through his father relationship (lack of respect/masculine encouragement), his mother relationship (lack of divine feminine nurturing), and his own self-deprecating feelings (feeling like an outcast, shy as a youth, not fully accepting his own, unique spirit and gifts). But then, this hit me less like a ton of bricks and more like an IBCM to the deepest core of my soul.

All this time, (ha! time...) I thought that I had done most--if not all--of my healing and DF balance work. And I'm not dismissing the state of peace and acceptance that I'm in right now. I feel phenomenally peaceful and open, willing to accept, but without that 3D ego desire. That past life pain had to be addressed and let go. It was my final step--I heard the message last night and this morning again. It was my last "break-through," if you will, to let go, release and then allow for the DM to release from his energy grid. The message I got was that it was almost like opening a door--and Jen says in the video, too, about having a key to unlock the many doors that are presented to you--and this release was the key to break that shit wide open.

Now I understand the full extent of healing that needed to be done. Now I understand the true nature of pain and past life hurt. It's overwhelming, to say the least. It's unbearable. My lesson from this pain is to forgive myself, to not reject myself anymore or feel ashamed about who I am. My gift is that I'll be able to finally be with my DM and allow our souls to heal from the lifetimes of lessons in pain that we've discovered through the human ego. It's true that the deeper the pain you experience, the deeper capacity that you have to love.

I'm sure I have many more lessons to learn and more messages to receive, but today I feel lighter for some reason. I feel...dare I say it? Hopeful. Not hopeful to hope on something that I have no idea how it will unfold, but, rather, that it will.

I am here, my love. And I'm not going anywhere.