The Agony & The Ecstasy: Twin Flame Awakening

When you realize that your Twin Flame has finally arrived, you can rejoice. Right? Not so much.

The Agony

The push-pull dynamic of my TF relationship has been agonizing in the past. Until now (I will write another update because dynamics have since shifted towards something more transcendent), it was almost impossible for me to concentrate on anything but longing for my TF to return to me, to give me the attention and love that I desired.

Desire: therein lies the problem. You seen, desire for another plays into the narrative of codependency, on using another's energy to boost your own. When we let go of the desire to have someone else in our presence, then we can fully begin to appreciate the power of the now. My advice to those who are in flux between being with your TF and then having them leave/run again, take ultimate pleasure in the now. The moment is all you have! The moment is precious! The moment is divine!

When we focus on the power of now, you can also begin to appreciate, more fully, the world around you. You can start to see your expectations of the future as just that: expectations. And when you think about having expectations, you begin to see that expectations are products of the ego. Understanding that you cannot control the future, that you have to allow for divine timing to take the reigns and lead, you can start living off of your own, vibrant, infinite energy. It's what we are destined to be able to do; we are destined to be our own engines of progress and forward momentum. But the paradox is this: we can be these engines without having to force them into motion. You see? It's all about patience. And trust. And faith.


The Ecstasy

It's difficult to describe the ultimate power of energies when I'm around my TF. Yet, I've come to understand that not only can I feel my TF's energies when around them, know what they are thinking, I can also play into that dynamic unknowingly when I'm nervous or expecting something to happen. The last, few times we were together, I could almost see that my TF and I are like two, orbiting bodies. We truly "orbit" around one another. The funny thing is, too, is that we only live about 1.5 miles away from each other. We work about 1 mile from the other. We never see each other, however, unless we invite the other to be together. One of the messages downloaded to me was that we cannot force these convergences. I sometimes try to picture what my TF is doing and sometimes (not gonna lie), I consider going grocery shopping where I know he goes or I go for a run thinking mayyyybe he'll see me. It's bonkers, I know! But this desire to see someone, to know that when you're in their arms, you're home, can be overpowering to our human psyche. So, instead of allowing our inner knowing to take over, our egos project onto us the desire to be seen, be heard, to be touched and tasted.

I need for everyone going through this process to know that you can forgive yourself for having desires such as these! It's okay! If you're going through this intense longing phase, then you're supposed to go through it to learn how to, instead, fulfill yourself with your own love and attention. True, it's the most amazing, incredible, indelible feeling to be in your lover's arms. There's nothing like it in the universe. However...I will challenge you to attempt to meditate upon this pleasure and think about what makes it so wonderful. Is it because someone is keeping you safe? Is it because you feel validated? Did you experience a relationship in your past that made you feel unsafe or unloved? Did you have a pattern of seeking validation from others? Do you have body issues? Intimacy issues?

I discovered, from this longing and ecstasy, that I had most of the aforementioned challenges to let go of. For example, I have had body issues all my life. I realized that by being with my TF, he taught me how to love my body, how to accept it, how to become the full divine feminine in my nakedness and my love. With him, I feel free to be accepted and to be that sacred partner in love and participate fully in the rites of sexual connection. In addition, throughout this journey, I acknowledged that I had experienced sexual abuse as a child (much of which I blocked out, but I remember some moments and being checked out in the hospital, being drugged and being examined). This acknowledgment helped me forgive the past and also realize that I had a problem with accepting intimacy and allowing intimacy into my life. True intimacy. And through my TF, I was able to appreciate those moments where I was finally able to experience something of true intimacy with another person.

Ultimately, forgive yourself for having these desires and see beyond your hopes and expectations so that you may focus on the blessings, the gifts, of the present. Your TF is certainly with you in spirit, and I assure you that as much as you are thinking about them, they are thinking about you. Sychronicities and spirit has shown me that each step of our journey was somehow fated and connected--from the childhood wounds that we both endured to the ways we experienced sex. The inside jokes we made, the songs we shared with each other, dancing together in the living room, talking about children in our futures--it's all connected. The past and the present have converged for me, and I see that this is, indeed, part of the divine plan! When we can acknowledge our own power in the moment, then we can see that we are loved beyond all measure of comprehension. Needing our TF is not necessary. Ultimate bliss can be found within ourselves if we rejoice in the blessings of the moment and when we look back and appreciate, fully, the moments we did share with our TF. No one can take those moments away. No one can steal the time we have in the now--except for you. Take hold of it. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Live in present ecstasy, my loves. It is your destiny.