The True Shape of Union
Welp, my twin and I are in union.
Yes, I said it. In. Union.
Does this mean we're boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Does this means we've made anything official? Not yet.
See, one thing that has been made clear to me through the teachings of others (I recommend Awakened Warrioress and Kelly Kay Enlighten Yourself) is that union takes many shapes and forms. If you've been on this Twin Flame journey for a while, you're most likely aware of the aspect of being in union in the 5D and dimensions in higher realms as well. Yet, with the physical, "3D" union, we often associate true union to being in a committed relationship with our divine partner.
When we assign conditions to physical union, we are also limiting its potential, its room for possibility. For example, my twin and I are in union--we speak pretty much every day via text. The conversations are jovial and lighthearted. We are currently working on being able to get together. We've both extended invitations towards one another to see each other. Things are shifting. It is happening.
I had to get to a place to be able to recognize how special this union space really was! I had to appreciate the union space and acknowledge all that we've accomplished. Separation was so hard. It was awful. Heartbreaking. All-consuming. I don't want to go back there again...but now I know I will never have to. Because I know, truly, what it's like to surrender my expectations and to know that the universe is working for me in many more ways than I could ever be aware of. I trust. And so it is.
------
Since I began writing this blog, many things have happened. For starters, I saw my twin for the first time since April. It was both nerve-wrackingly scary and heart-poundingly wonderful. Looking back on it, I still can't believe it happened. But it did.
The Shape of Union
Back to the thoughts on union, however, because that's the most important message that I need to share. Paraphrasing Janet from Awakened Warrioress, "if you are in contact with your divine masculine, you are in union." Let me be clear: I fully acknowledge my 5D union and know that I'm in union at all times with my twin. However, let's also be honest and acknowledge that we are also striving for a physical, 3D union with our twin in order to truly work on our soul mission on this planet. The point is: union with your twin looks different than what you may be expecting--it takes many shapes, forms and manifestations.
In other words, my twin and I are in union because we are in contact on a regular basis. I say, earlier, that we haven't discussed commitment--yet. The "yet" is what is bothering me as I look back upon this post. In light of my recent reunion with my twin, I have had several more "realizations" that have led me to discover how detrimental expectations of commitment can also be for my 3D union. Expecting that my union can only take place when we affirm our commitment to one another is a complete 3D, ego-based condition. Not that I don't want or deserve commitment--I do! I think that the thing I need to learn at the moment is that union doesn't have to mean that we've both said our "I love yous" and he puts a ring on it, and we live happily ever after. No no no.
Let me also discuss seeing your twin for the first time after separation because...dang.
Seeing Him After Separation
When you make plans to see your twin after your separation, it's hard not to have an overwhelming sense of butterflies and nervous knots in your belly. You begin projecting yourself in that moment, considering the conversations, what you might do, how you may say things, what he'll say or offer in return. All the while, you know that it's not in your best interest to have specific expectations, but you also want to project positivity unto the moment because you know that you need to set your intentions towards light and love.
I definitely meditated on our "date night"--a lot. I prayed. I asked Archangel Michael for guidance, for the truth to be spoken, for our strength to be balanced with our love for one another. I asked for the right words, to say what needed to be said in the moment. I cried, too. I cried because I knew how much this moment meant to me and what it meant to get to this point. It was a feeling that is hard to describe--like you know you'll be walking under the archways of heaven in less than 24 hours, but you're not quite sure what it'll look like when you do. All you can do is anticipate and consider the reverence you have for the moments that await you.
At first, I would've told you that I would've wanted for us to fall into each others' arms, weep for being apart so long, say "I love you. I'm sorry. I never want to lose you again." I had envisioned this conversation for many weeks, thinking that as I lay in his arms, I'd tell him how much I loved him. We didn't do any of these things, however.
Spirit guided me to simply enjoy the moment. To go with the flow. To release all expectations and have fun. The reason? Well, it's not very complicated, but it's not entirely simple. See, my twin is going through his awakening process different than me. His mind and heart have to find a common meeting place, and so logic plays a role in whether or not he's ready to be in a relationship with me. The entire time we were together, I felt like he was auditioning both of us to be a couple. In the past, my energy would've probably left him feeling drained or uncomfortable because of the lack of control he experienced over his emotions when he was with me. I believe that spirit wanted me to project playful positivity so that, when I left him the next day, he'd think of me with positive thoughts and energy. Spirit wants him to consider how easy it really would be to commit to me, but he's still working on getting to that place in his mind. I have to be patient in the meantime.
Have we talked since our date? Not really. And it's only been 2 days, but since we were keeping in pretty steady contact over the last 2 weeks, it feels like an effing eternity. Doesn't it always feel like time moves slower when you're with your twin? It does for me!
Revisiting Ego Fears
Even though I know in my heart that things are progressing exactly as they should be at the moment, I still have fears. Currently, I'm working on transmuting the fears of a few things that were based upon our push-pull period.
For starters, I have an intense fear that things will go back to the way they were before our separation--that he would pull me close to him, connect, and then push himself away from me in a self-sabotaging manner.
I have a fear that despite the fact that he knows I love him, he reconnected with me for sex. This really bothers me. If he did, then the depths of his ego are further in the shadows than I had previously thought. Is this a bad thing? I don't know. I really don't. Right now, we are being asked to exercise compassion and empathy towards our divine partner and towards the universe. I know this is a fear and it's a foolish one at that. I do believe and have faith in my Divine Masculine; I know that he would never intend to hurt me via his soul self or his ego as well.
I found myself in a codependency battle as well while I was with him. We usually snuggle and cuddle all night long. It's so wonderful. Yet, the other night, we didn't. It was...strange. Usually he initiates it as well. I lay there thinking "Oh my god. He did just use me for sex." It was a shattering thought, yet I couldn't bring myself to believe in it 100%. I did say a prayer and ask for peace of mind, for Archangel Chamuel to mend the discord that I was sensing and to help me release my codependent feelings regarding this scenario. Indeed, in the morning, things were lovely. We snuggled. We cuddled. We had sex. It was so nice. I knew that I had nothing to fear and that the cuddling thing doesn't articulate his love for me--many things do.
Now to the texting and communication fears. I haven't really heard from him since then. And like I mentioned, we were in pretty constant contact for a while--and the contact was very much like relationship talk. Him calling me "babe" and "baby" was something we did at the VERY beginning of our 'bubble love' phase. Communication felt tender, yet playful. It was sexual, yet sincere. I felt like we were falling in love with each other all over again. So now I'm in an old pattern of ego-based, codependent neediness--thinking that I need for him to text me to prove his love for me. My fears are that the dynamic will return to the way it used to be when he'd pull me close and then ignore me for days...until he hadn't heard from me, then he'd want to know what I was up to. I don't want to have to go through that again, and it saddens me deeply to think that we may be up for another round of separation.
At this present moment, the energies are ushering in awakening along with revisiting old ego fears. This is actually perfect timing, as our reunion occurs at the beginning of both a galactic portal (Sirius) and the full moon in Capricorn this Sunday. At the moment, I feel like this encounter--while it felt great for the both of us--made us both revisit our deeper fears. His fears? Most likely shifting around his entire world, his household, his life, to incorporate someone else, all the while worrying that he's made the wrong decision on a partner. My fears? That my divine counterpart will never be able to stand in his truth and that he'll let his ego and fears win. In addition, I also fear that all of this is for naught, and that I'm crazy to feel the way I do about this person.
The heart of the matter is that, sometimes, we do need to revisit these emotions from a new vantage point. I can honestly say that the way I feel about these fears is not the way I used to feel; I now find peace in my knowing that we are meant to be together in divine timing. I know that everything that is happening is happening as it should, and that there are currently things that my DM is experiencing that I don't need to be aware of. When he's ready, I'll be here. When I'm ready, I'll open up my arms for receiving love. His challenge is to give it, freely and without condition. Mine is to accept it, freely and without worry that it is of limited supply.
At the end of the day, I know understand the full spectrum, the full "circle" of our union; it has brought us on a spiral path of wisdom. While things may seem like we're back to where we started from, we are now able to look upon our dynamic from an elevated perspective. Every time I uttered the phrase "I have faith in him" to his friends when they'd question his motives or dating history, I knew I was saying exactly what they needed to hear, too. Everything has led us to this exact moment, to these exact people. Everything has been connected from start to finish. The connections that I'm seeing are only a piece of the puzzle, too. I just know that there are many more connections that are working towards bringing us together and merging our timelines closer and closer. No matter what, however, we are in union. Our union may look like we're each heading down the length of a coil that meets somewhere in the middle--instead of being like two, linked rings. We are meant to walk our own paths, side by side. And when we get there, we'll know. And we'll be ready.
Yes, I said it. In. Union.
Does this mean we're boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Does this means we've made anything official? Not yet.
See, one thing that has been made clear to me through the teachings of others (I recommend Awakened Warrioress and Kelly Kay Enlighten Yourself) is that union takes many shapes and forms. If you've been on this Twin Flame journey for a while, you're most likely aware of the aspect of being in union in the 5D and dimensions in higher realms as well. Yet, with the physical, "3D" union, we often associate true union to being in a committed relationship with our divine partner.
When we assign conditions to physical union, we are also limiting its potential, its room for possibility. For example, my twin and I are in union--we speak pretty much every day via text. The conversations are jovial and lighthearted. We are currently working on being able to get together. We've both extended invitations towards one another to see each other. Things are shifting. It is happening.
I had to get to a place to be able to recognize how special this union space really was! I had to appreciate the union space and acknowledge all that we've accomplished. Separation was so hard. It was awful. Heartbreaking. All-consuming. I don't want to go back there again...but now I know I will never have to. Because I know, truly, what it's like to surrender my expectations and to know that the universe is working for me in many more ways than I could ever be aware of. I trust. And so it is.
------
Since I began writing this blog, many things have happened. For starters, I saw my twin for the first time since April. It was both nerve-wrackingly scary and heart-poundingly wonderful. Looking back on it, I still can't believe it happened. But it did.
The Shape of Union
In other words, my twin and I are in union because we are in contact on a regular basis. I say, earlier, that we haven't discussed commitment--yet. The "yet" is what is bothering me as I look back upon this post. In light of my recent reunion with my twin, I have had several more "realizations" that have led me to discover how detrimental expectations of commitment can also be for my 3D union. Expecting that my union can only take place when we affirm our commitment to one another is a complete 3D, ego-based condition. Not that I don't want or deserve commitment--I do! I think that the thing I need to learn at the moment is that union doesn't have to mean that we've both said our "I love yous" and he puts a ring on it, and we live happily ever after. No no no.
Let me also discuss seeing your twin for the first time after separation because...dang.
Seeing Him After Separation
When you make plans to see your twin after your separation, it's hard not to have an overwhelming sense of butterflies and nervous knots in your belly. You begin projecting yourself in that moment, considering the conversations, what you might do, how you may say things, what he'll say or offer in return. All the while, you know that it's not in your best interest to have specific expectations, but you also want to project positivity unto the moment because you know that you need to set your intentions towards light and love.
I definitely meditated on our "date night"--a lot. I prayed. I asked Archangel Michael for guidance, for the truth to be spoken, for our strength to be balanced with our love for one another. I asked for the right words, to say what needed to be said in the moment. I cried, too. I cried because I knew how much this moment meant to me and what it meant to get to this point. It was a feeling that is hard to describe--like you know you'll be walking under the archways of heaven in less than 24 hours, but you're not quite sure what it'll look like when you do. All you can do is anticipate and consider the reverence you have for the moments that await you.
At first, I would've told you that I would've wanted for us to fall into each others' arms, weep for being apart so long, say "I love you. I'm sorry. I never want to lose you again." I had envisioned this conversation for many weeks, thinking that as I lay in his arms, I'd tell him how much I loved him. We didn't do any of these things, however.
Spirit guided me to simply enjoy the moment. To go with the flow. To release all expectations and have fun. The reason? Well, it's not very complicated, but it's not entirely simple. See, my twin is going through his awakening process different than me. His mind and heart have to find a common meeting place, and so logic plays a role in whether or not he's ready to be in a relationship with me. The entire time we were together, I felt like he was auditioning both of us to be a couple. In the past, my energy would've probably left him feeling drained or uncomfortable because of the lack of control he experienced over his emotions when he was with me. I believe that spirit wanted me to project playful positivity so that, when I left him the next day, he'd think of me with positive thoughts and energy. Spirit wants him to consider how easy it really would be to commit to me, but he's still working on getting to that place in his mind. I have to be patient in the meantime.
Have we talked since our date? Not really. And it's only been 2 days, but since we were keeping in pretty steady contact over the last 2 weeks, it feels like an effing eternity. Doesn't it always feel like time moves slower when you're with your twin? It does for me!
Revisiting Ego Fears
Even though I know in my heart that things are progressing exactly as they should be at the moment, I still have fears. Currently, I'm working on transmuting the fears of a few things that were based upon our push-pull period.
For starters, I have an intense fear that things will go back to the way they were before our separation--that he would pull me close to him, connect, and then push himself away from me in a self-sabotaging manner.
I have a fear that despite the fact that he knows I love him, he reconnected with me for sex. This really bothers me. If he did, then the depths of his ego are further in the shadows than I had previously thought. Is this a bad thing? I don't know. I really don't. Right now, we are being asked to exercise compassion and empathy towards our divine partner and towards the universe. I know this is a fear and it's a foolish one at that. I do believe and have faith in my Divine Masculine; I know that he would never intend to hurt me via his soul self or his ego as well.
I found myself in a codependency battle as well while I was with him. We usually snuggle and cuddle all night long. It's so wonderful. Yet, the other night, we didn't. It was...strange. Usually he initiates it as well. I lay there thinking "Oh my god. He did just use me for sex." It was a shattering thought, yet I couldn't bring myself to believe in it 100%. I did say a prayer and ask for peace of mind, for Archangel Chamuel to mend the discord that I was sensing and to help me release my codependent feelings regarding this scenario. Indeed, in the morning, things were lovely. We snuggled. We cuddled. We had sex. It was so nice. I knew that I had nothing to fear and that the cuddling thing doesn't articulate his love for me--many things do.
Now to the texting and communication fears. I haven't really heard from him since then. And like I mentioned, we were in pretty constant contact for a while--and the contact was very much like relationship talk. Him calling me "babe" and "baby" was something we did at the VERY beginning of our 'bubble love' phase. Communication felt tender, yet playful. It was sexual, yet sincere. I felt like we were falling in love with each other all over again. So now I'm in an old pattern of ego-based, codependent neediness--thinking that I need for him to text me to prove his love for me. My fears are that the dynamic will return to the way it used to be when he'd pull me close and then ignore me for days...until he hadn't heard from me, then he'd want to know what I was up to. I don't want to have to go through that again, and it saddens me deeply to think that we may be up for another round of separation.
At this present moment, the energies are ushering in awakening along with revisiting old ego fears. This is actually perfect timing, as our reunion occurs at the beginning of both a galactic portal (Sirius) and the full moon in Capricorn this Sunday. At the moment, I feel like this encounter--while it felt great for the both of us--made us both revisit our deeper fears. His fears? Most likely shifting around his entire world, his household, his life, to incorporate someone else, all the while worrying that he's made the wrong decision on a partner. My fears? That my divine counterpart will never be able to stand in his truth and that he'll let his ego and fears win. In addition, I also fear that all of this is for naught, and that I'm crazy to feel the way I do about this person.
The heart of the matter is that, sometimes, we do need to revisit these emotions from a new vantage point. I can honestly say that the way I feel about these fears is not the way I used to feel; I now find peace in my knowing that we are meant to be together in divine timing. I know that everything that is happening is happening as it should, and that there are currently things that my DM is experiencing that I don't need to be aware of. When he's ready, I'll be here. When I'm ready, I'll open up my arms for receiving love. His challenge is to give it, freely and without condition. Mine is to accept it, freely and without worry that it is of limited supply.
At the end of the day, I know understand the full spectrum, the full "circle" of our union; it has brought us on a spiral path of wisdom. While things may seem like we're back to where we started from, we are now able to look upon our dynamic from an elevated perspective. Every time I uttered the phrase "I have faith in him" to his friends when they'd question his motives or dating history, I knew I was saying exactly what they needed to hear, too. Everything has led us to this exact moment, to these exact people. Everything has been connected from start to finish. The connections that I'm seeing are only a piece of the puzzle, too. I just know that there are many more connections that are working towards bringing us together and merging our timelines closer and closer. No matter what, however, we are in union. Our union may look like we're each heading down the length of a coil that meets somewhere in the middle--instead of being like two, linked rings. We are meant to walk our own paths, side by side. And when we get there, we'll know. And we'll be ready.
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