The (New) Union Dynamic: Standing Up as Divine Feminine
I am the Empress. He is the Emperor.
In my last post, I spoke about my reunion with my twin and what the shape of union looks like. Happily, I can say that it's true--union does take form and manifest in different ways. In fact, union may manifest in an infinite amount of ways, but I now know one thing is true: union occurs when we are truly in our divine roles as divine masculine and divine feminine.
Previously, I attended to the idea of union as as connection between our 5D and 3D selves. I attributed connectedness to our communication in the 3D. While it was not incorrect to label us as in union (and I do believe that believing you're in union attracts 3D union!), we still weren't fully "in union." Why? Because we were still operating in an old template, but with different rules of engagement.
After my initial TF separation in April 2017, I wasn't certain when/if we'd come back together. In fact, I couldn't actually picture a moment when we'd come together. Well, I did picture it, but as I mentioned in my previous blog post, I envisioned us falling into one anothers' arms, proclaiming our love for the other, asking for forgiveness, asking to start over again, claiming one another as our divine counterpart. Yeah, that didn't happen. Haha! :) So when we did come back together in the physical after being separated for 2 months, I thought for sure this is union. Finally! Was it? No. It wasn't.
I look back at my last post and recall what it was like to be in that space, in that realm of worry, still. I even state that my greatest fear is that we'd have to do this all over again, that the separation would continue or "go back" to where it was before. And...it has. But also...it hasn't. Here's why:
When I imagine us together, I see two people who clearly care for and value one another. But I see a lot of fear and trepidation. I see a lot of holding back, so many emotions that are wrapped up into a tight, tiny ball of anxiety. We tuck it into our pockets and hope the other can't see it. We lie on a big blue couch, a movie playing as we touch one another so lovingly, so gently. I think to myself: this is what it must be like. This is union. I love him. I am here. He is here. So this must be it.
It wasn't my loves. It wasn't our final union, our ultimate destination. It was a point along our journey, and I clung to it so desperately that I neglected to see it for what it was--a sign post along the long, winding path of togetherness. It's like waiting at a bus stop together only to find that you're both getting on different buses with different destinations. But you don't know it until his bus pulls up and he says "well, this is my ride."
The thing is, I did not honor myself as the divine feminine in our previous, physical unions. He didn't honor me as the divine feminine. Did I honor him as the divine masculine? Probably not. Or, not like I should have, like I should be. We aren't meant to have these flings, these fly-by-night encounters. We are meant to share a divine love and radiate that outwards to the world, so share our connection to divine source with everyone and everything around us.
If I'm being honest, I feel used when I look back upon our history. Part of that sentiment comes from my ego--the other part comes from my ability to see that I am worth so much more than a booty call. And, the thing is, I know in my heart our divine truth--I see it--so I never judged my twin for approaching me with a little hesitation. I knew it was part of his process, his journey. But what about mine? What about my ability to be powerful, to love without hesitation? I can do those things and I want to. God, I want to. I want to be able to love him openly and honestly without pockets full of worry.
When my DM comes to me (and I'm not saying this is how we'll come together), I need to be regarded as the divine feminine. When my DM comes to me, I need for him to be in his power, too. I need for him to finally see who he is--part of divine source--and remember who he is--part of me and part of the divine. We are divine oneness, together and separately. For that, our union should be sacred and special. I am sacred and special. You are sacred and special. He is sacred and special. We are sacred and special.
Now, when I think about union, I cannot say that we were actually in union all those weeks and months we maintained regular contact. I believe, now, that union is sacred and special. Until then, I'll lay down my swords and wait. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm too tired for that. Instead, I'd rather walk my own path and maybe meet him at a bus stop--no, at a destination--somewhere that we have not even imagined yet. Or have. Doesn't matter. As long as it's sacred. It will be special.
Previously, I attended to the idea of union as as connection between our 5D and 3D selves. I attributed connectedness to our communication in the 3D. While it was not incorrect to label us as in union (and I do believe that believing you're in union attracts 3D union!), we still weren't fully "in union." Why? Because we were still operating in an old template, but with different rules of engagement.
After my initial TF separation in April 2017, I wasn't certain when/if we'd come back together. In fact, I couldn't actually picture a moment when we'd come together. Well, I did picture it, but as I mentioned in my previous blog post, I envisioned us falling into one anothers' arms, proclaiming our love for the other, asking for forgiveness, asking to start over again, claiming one another as our divine counterpart. Yeah, that didn't happen. Haha! :) So when we did come back together in the physical after being separated for 2 months, I thought for sure this is union. Finally! Was it? No. It wasn't.
I look back at my last post and recall what it was like to be in that space, in that realm of worry, still. I even state that my greatest fear is that we'd have to do this all over again, that the separation would continue or "go back" to where it was before. And...it has. But also...it hasn't. Here's why:
When I imagine us together, I see two people who clearly care for and value one another. But I see a lot of fear and trepidation. I see a lot of holding back, so many emotions that are wrapped up into a tight, tiny ball of anxiety. We tuck it into our pockets and hope the other can't see it. We lie on a big blue couch, a movie playing as we touch one another so lovingly, so gently. I think to myself: this is what it must be like. This is union. I love him. I am here. He is here. So this must be it.
It wasn't my loves. It wasn't our final union, our ultimate destination. It was a point along our journey, and I clung to it so desperately that I neglected to see it for what it was--a sign post along the long, winding path of togetherness. It's like waiting at a bus stop together only to find that you're both getting on different buses with different destinations. But you don't know it until his bus pulls up and he says "well, this is my ride."
The thing is, I did not honor myself as the divine feminine in our previous, physical unions. He didn't honor me as the divine feminine. Did I honor him as the divine masculine? Probably not. Or, not like I should have, like I should be. We aren't meant to have these flings, these fly-by-night encounters. We are meant to share a divine love and radiate that outwards to the world, so share our connection to divine source with everyone and everything around us.
If I'm being honest, I feel used when I look back upon our history. Part of that sentiment comes from my ego--the other part comes from my ability to see that I am worth so much more than a booty call. And, the thing is, I know in my heart our divine truth--I see it--so I never judged my twin for approaching me with a little hesitation. I knew it was part of his process, his journey. But what about mine? What about my ability to be powerful, to love without hesitation? I can do those things and I want to. God, I want to. I want to be able to love him openly and honestly without pockets full of worry.
When my DM comes to me (and I'm not saying this is how we'll come together), I need to be regarded as the divine feminine. When my DM comes to me, I need for him to be in his power, too. I need for him to finally see who he is--part of divine source--and remember who he is--part of me and part of the divine. We are divine oneness, together and separately. For that, our union should be sacred and special. I am sacred and special. You are sacred and special. He is sacred and special. We are sacred and special.
Now, when I think about union, I cannot say that we were actually in union all those weeks and months we maintained regular contact. I believe, now, that union is sacred and special. Until then, I'll lay down my swords and wait. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm too tired for that. Instead, I'd rather walk my own path and maybe meet him at a bus stop--no, at a destination--somewhere that we have not even imagined yet. Or have. Doesn't matter. As long as it's sacred. It will be special.
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